Living Life, Marriage, Motherhood

Is This Seat Taken?

I’m terrified of missing the bus.

I have many stress-filled memories of rushing to the bus stop as a kid. School buses have a tight schedule and if you weren’t there, the driver sure wasn’t going to wait for you.

Once safely on board, you then had to find a seat. You were lucky if a friend had an earlier stop and they could save you one. But if you rode alone, all bets were off. And school busses get crowded. Where all the seats are taken by the big kids. The cool kids. The kids who got there first, been there the longest, and don’t have space for one more.

That feeling. The pit in the bottom of your stomach. Hoping there will be room for you. The lack of elbow room … breathing room … it’s not confined to past experiences or even literal busses. At least not for me.

Somedays, I feel squeezed out of my own schedule—no time for dreams or passions between the running to-do list and predetermined responsibilities. Wrenched in between relationships, trying to find the connection we once shared but lost long ago. No room to think. Instead of advocating for my peers I start racing them to the finish line. Because there can only be one winner. I can’t afford to miss this bus because who knows when it will come around again. This chance may be my last.

I’m terrified that at the end of the day, I’ll be left. Standing in the rain. Alone. Holding my broken dreams like a soggy lunch bag.

Because I was too late. Too slow in fulfilling my calling.

Or I simply wanted to get on a bus that didn’t have space for me.

In my fear I think of all these bible characters that needed special circumstances to get their seat.

The paralytic man whose friends lowered him through the roof because there wasn’t any room left, even outside the door.

Zacchaeus who couldn’t get through the crowd and had to climb the tree to see Jesus.

And I find myself hoping against hope that He’ll have room for me. Maybe you can relate?

It’s. All. A. Lie.

We’re not vying for seats on an overcrowded bus. The bus has plenty of room. What gets crowded is our perspective. Disillusioned by what could have been:

  • If only the baby would let me have a moments peace.
  • Wishing to have the opportunities you see extended to another person.
  • The marriages/friendships/connections that seem stronger than my own.
  • Watching someone else be propelled into their calling.

line favorIn my seat of discouragement I question if it will ever be my chance. Disappointed that my lottery number hasn’t been called. Despairing that the resources will run out and I won’t get my turn.

God’s not a one-time-only kind of god. We’re not playing the lottery with our dreams, betting and hoping we get the one-in-a-million win.

You may have heard, He has cattle on a thousand hills. If He’s called you to speak, He has space on a thousand stages. Given you a book to write? Room on a thousand bookshelves.  Blessed you with a marriage? Resources to form it into a human representation of His love.

There’s room for you in your friendships. In your marriage. In your schedule. In your life.

You don’t have to wait in line for favor from the Lord. You don’t need to fight for your seat or hope for a chance either. Your seat is spoken for.