Episode #185: The Beautiful Reason You Long for Belonging with Sarah Westfall – Heartbreak / Give Your Heart a Break

Hey friends, it's Jen and welcome to this episode of Good God Talks. Today we have a guest host, Sarah Westfall here on the podcast. Sarah is a writer and a speaker and the host of the Human Together podcast. Isn't that a great name? And speaking of great names, I love the title and the heart behind her recently released book, The Way of Belonging: Reimagining Who We Are and How We Relate.

The theme of today's episode is this concept of belonging. And when I started reading Sarah's book, I knew this was going to be such a great episode to fit here within our heartbreak or giving your heart a break series. And I'm going to read you a quote from her book to illustrate why. She says, “Letting go of external pressures and expectations, the love of the Father invites us to stop searching for acceptance with all its demands, all the ways we lose ourselves in an attempt to be seen, and instead step toward a belonging that comes to you and says, "You do not have to try so hard. Come home. You were lost but have been found.” (The Way of Belonging)

As I think about my own experiences and the stories that I know many of you have shared with me, oftentimes the heartache we experience in life comes from relationships, comes from community or family or friendships that fall short of what it could have been, or what it's designed to be. I love how Sarah reframes this common longing that we have in our hearts and gives us an opportunity to go talk with God about it.

And so we're going to jump right into that conversation with Sarah.

For as long as I can remember, I have always gotten a little bit nervous before entering a room filled with people, especially if they are new people, if they are strangers. And part of that is because I am naturally an introvert. I prefer smaller groups and deeper conversations. I do not do small talk well, or even if I can do it well, I don't enjoy it all the time.

The other piece of that pause that I have before walking into a room is, it is also a moment in which the ache to belong really becomes apparent. I feel it less as this like dull ache and more as this like thumping in my chest. And it is in that moment that I find that I have two ways to perceive that ache.

I can either see it through a lens of lack, a lens that tells me, That ache says that you are not enough. That you are broken. That you can't do this. And lack tends to tell this narrative of scarcity, that I am not enough, and God is not enough. And I begin to cave in on myself and I pull back from God and from other people relationally.

But the other way to perceive or to see that ache, is through a lens of longing. And where lack says that you are deficient, longing is inviting us into something good. It speaks of something that is eternal, embedded within our hearts. Like the writer of Ecclesiastes says that we have eternity embedded within us.

And when we begin to see that ache, Especially that ache to belong, to relate, to be seen, to be known, to be loved, to be respected and enjoyed. When we begin to feel that longing, if we see it through the lens of God's abundance, That it is something that he wants for us. It speaks to our belovedness that he has put that within us with good intentions and with good purpose.

We can then step toward that ache rather than pull back from it, knowing that the end is God. That God is already with us and he's continuing to draw us into his infinite goodness. One of the very first questions actually Jesus asked in the book of John in John 1:38. Some of John the Baptist's disciples notice Jesus walking along the road and they began to follow him. And as they began to follow him, Jesus turned around and instead of saying, you know, who are you and what are you doing? Why are you following me? He asked them, “what are you looking for?” Some translations say, “what do you want?” or “what are you seeking?”

And I think that is such a good question for us to even ask now. As we begin to feel the ache to belong, or loneliness rises up within us, or we begin to circle the drain of lack, feeling like we are not enough—to allow us to sit with Jesus's question. What do you want? What are you looking for?

And then as we begin to name and wrap words around the thing beneath the ache, we can begin to see how it is pointing us towards something good. Not only within us, but in the way that relates to God, to ourselves and to each other.

And we can then ask God, where is your invitation? What are you inviting me into?

And that helps change everything. And we begin to no longer see that ache to belong as something deficient, as a lack that we carry, but as a very, very good longing pointing us to God himself and to a communal life, now and in eternity.

Friends, I love these questions that Sarah left us with.
God, where is your invitation? What are you inviting me into?

I encourage you to take these questions to him and listen for what he wants to share with you. I also encourage you to check out Sarah's book, The Way of Belonging. I'll have links here in the show notes for where you can get your copy and all the places where you can connect with Sarah Westfall online, and I'll see you next time.

As always, have a good talk.

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